he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Randomize
