i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
