need another drink. this is the easiest way
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
