i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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