Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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