some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
