just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
