Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
