You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
