Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
