you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
