I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He better not be in your backpack
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
