at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
