No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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