The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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