I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
