i permit you to call me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this just has baby written all over it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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