I need help removing her.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
