You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
