More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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