im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
