Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
