im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
