and i looked up. we had an audience...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I want is dick and wine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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