do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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