8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
