I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
