john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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