i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
