I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
