end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
