My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
