New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
