mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
