I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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