apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
