member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
