Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
