Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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