me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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