i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
