I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
