please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
