I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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