Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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