mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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