i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
