I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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