i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
