some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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