Redeem this text for a blowjob
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
