oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
