I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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