my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
