Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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