do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
