I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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