I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
