I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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