Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
