If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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