you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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