Please, let me fuck your mom
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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