getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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