I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
