So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
