I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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