the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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