after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
