Pants 0. Shit 1.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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