I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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