school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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