i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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