Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
