The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
