You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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