i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
